Working Together
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, There is a field, I’ll meet you there.”
Rumi
I adjust my style to the needs of each client, however it may be useful for you to know a few things about the way I work. I have a relational approach. This means that I am present as another human being in our sessions – I believe that making satisfying connections with other people and the wider world is central to our well-being, shaping who we are and who we become, and clients can expect me to be warm, gentle and compassionate while also encouraging them to challenge ideas.
It can sometimes be helpful to look at where our patterns of relating may be getting in the way of our true potential for fulfilment. We are all making choices constantly to cope with life in the best way we feel able. Sometimes these choices support us, and sometimes we are using strategies that worked once, perhaps when we were young or vulnerable, or to cope with a particularly difficult event in adulthood, but which are now out of date and stop us getting what we really want from the world. If we can identify these fixed patterns we can make new choices that give us new possibilities.
My training is ’Integrative’ which means that I incorporate ideas from different theories into my practice. There are many overlaps between the different modalities and they are all also of their time and necessarily limited in aspects. Most have their roots in either the humanistic or psychoanalytic traditions - I take ideas and practice particularly from the Psychodynamic, Existential, Humanistic and Somatic theorists.
My own process of integration has involved rejecting the aspects of theories that I feel are outdated or conflict with my beliefs about what it is to be human, the causes of suffering and what we need in order to alleviate suffering.
I draw on the aspects of theories that I believe support me to create an holistic approach that supports work with the whole person: thoughts, belief systems, emotions and how these may be experienced in the body. Much neuroscientific research is now showing how interconnected these aspects are.
You can expect me to encourage you to practice new ways of responding to difficult situations and feelings. However, it is important to know that I don’t set homework or an agenda - and there is no marking. I believe this can be experienced by some people as an attempt to ‘normalise’ them (and perhaps an aspect of them believes that this will help) ignoring underlying causes of difficult feelings and behaviour and why they get repeated. When symptoms return - sometimes in a different form - people can feel as if they have failed. If you have had this experience, then you might be looking for a different approach.
I understand that you won’t be in all the moods you need to access on every occasion we meet – some weeks will find you readier than others to investigate particular experiences and feelings. In our sessions you can expect me to invite you to bring whatever feels most present for you and wander alongside you on your internal journey, meeting aspects of yourself. Together we will explore how you think and feel, and the meaning you make out of it. I trust that if you keep showing up and sharing, you will eventually drop enough clues for us to assemble a psychological portrait of your self.
Working in this way makes space for a deeper kind of work, allowing for a ‘piecing together’ from these sifted fragments. This can help to increase self-awareness so that you can choose how to adapt and respond with more resilience and vitality.
However we decide to work, I will review our work regularly with you to see whether what I am offering is helpful.
In the right environment, we all have an inbuilt ability to heal and flourish. I like the metaphor of Japanese ‘kinsugi’ - a fractured vessel is reconstructed so that the cracks are not hidden but shine with gold (see below). Seeing my clients wearing their scars, strengths and wisdom, and changing as they gain new energy and purpose (and they do) is a huge privilege.
Below are some videos that may be helpful for you, and also reflect aspects of my approach to therapy.
“There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”
Leonard Cohen