Working Together
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, There is a field, I’ll meet you there.”
Rumi
I adjust my style to the needs of each client, however it may be useful for you to know a few things about the way I work. I have a relational approach. This means that I am present as another human being in our sessions – I believe that making satisfying connections with other people and the wider world is central to our well-being, shaping who we are and who we become, and clients can expect me to be warm, gentle and compassionate while also encouraging them to challenge ideas. I am not a silent or blank ‘screen’.
It can sometimes be helpful to look at where our patterns of relating (both in our internal world and externally) may be getting in the way of our true potential for fulfilment. We are all making choices constantly to cope with life in the best way we feel able. Sometimes these choices support us, and sometimes we are using strategies that worked once, perhaps when we were young or vulnerable, or to cope with a particularly difficult event in adulthood, but which now don’t always seem to be appreciated. If we can identify these patterns we can make new choices that give us new possibilities.
My training is ’Integrative’ which means that I incorporate ideas from different theories into my practice. There are many overlaps between the different modalities and I am increasingly using a systemic approach, which means that I use ideas and practices - particularly Psychodynamic, Humanistic, Body Psychotherapy and Existentialist - which help us understand different aspects of my client’s inner and outer world. My approach is trauma-informed, which means that I believe we all suffer from experiences which (sometimes due to us not being old enough, supported enough or resilient enough to make sense of, and process them effectively) remain ‘stuck’. This can impact on our patterns of perception, thinking, feeling and behaving. I am particularly. Interested in the IFS (Internal Family Systems) approach and integrating EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitising and Reprocessing) if the client is interested in this. It can be a very effective tool to help people track back to and process key experiences/memories which may be showing up in confusing and exhausting ways in the present. I might help clients to understand and normalise their symptoms by explaining how the autonomic nervous system works to both explain and heal difficult experiences and trauma.
My own process of finding an effective way of working that feels authentic has involved rejecting the aspects of theories that I feel are outdated or conflict with my beliefs about what it is to be human, the causes of suffering and what we need in order to alleviate suffering.
I believe this has helped me to create an holistic approach that supports work with the whole person: thoughts, belief systems, emotions and how these may be experienced in the body. Much neuroscientific research is now showing how interconnected these aspects are.
I don’t set homework or have my own agenda. I believe this can be experienced by some people as an attempt to ‘normalise’ them (and perhaps an aspect of them believes that it will help). People can find that symptoms return - sometimes in a different but equally problematic form - and feel as if they have failed. If you have had this experience, then you might be looking for a different approach.
I understand that you won’t be in all the moods you want to access on every occasion we meet – some weeks will find you readier than others to investigate particular experiences and feelings. In our sessions you can expect me to invite you to bring whatever feels most present for you and stay alongside you on your internal journey, meeting aspects of yourself: thoughts, metaphors, images, memories, emotions and body sensations, and the meaning you make out of it. I trust that if you keep showing up and trusting the process, you will eventually give us enough clues for us to assemble a psychological portrait of you. Clients are often amazed to realise the extent at which their unprocessed material has created protective smokescreens and beliefs which are actually preventing the change they long for.
This increased self-awareness helps you to choose how to adapt and respond with more resilience and vitality.
However we decide to work, I will review our work regularly with you to see whether what I am offering is helpful.
In the right environment, we all have an inbuilt ability to heal and flourish. I like the metaphor of Japanese ‘kinsugi’ - a fractured vessel is reconstructed so that the cracks are not hidden but shine with gold (see below). Seeing my clients wearing their scars, strengths and wisdom, and changing as they gain new energy and purpose (and they do) is a huge privilege.
Below are some videos that may be helpful for you, and also reflect aspects of my approach to therapy.
“There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”
Leonard Cohen